About

Other Blogs I Do:
Sup Par Poetry: For people who don't like their poetry well done.
Star Wars Retold In Limerick Form: Relive the saga. The entire story retold in limerick form
Rephrazer: Diametrically opposed to eschewing obfuscation.

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Award Winning Poetry and Writing


October 17, 2011
Writing Forums' October Poetry Challenge
Winner 
Theme: Erase

In arithmetic, he wasn't strong.
This math quiz was taking so long.
It was hard to divide.
Still, he tried till he cried,
but the answers kept coming out wrong

He would solve and immediately doubt
if he'd taken the most proper route.
He' retry, but alas,
by the end of the class,
his eraser was simply worn out.

The bell rang. The quiz was now due,
but his sheet was a sad sight to view.
There was nothing but air
in assorted spots where
the eraser wore all the way through. 

The tests were collected and sent
to the teacher for grading. She went
through each page in the stack
and then handed them back.
He saw his grade: ninety percent!

He pondered his luck with a frown...
To the head of the class from class clown?
Was he smart? Well not quite,
every one he got right
had shown through from the next paper down!

January 20, 2012
Washington Post Style Invitational (Week 951)
Honorable Mention
"Double Over With Laughter" - Double a word and define it:

faint feint - pretending to pass out
lessen lesson - learning how to simplify
laps lapse - forgetting how many times you've gone around
wine whine - complaining that you would rather have merlot instead of this watered down grapejuice they call zinfandel
whacks wax - How the mob extinguishes candles
thyme time - the instant that follows rosemary
shoo shoe - footwear that can be used to keep others at bay. Not to be confused with the poo shoe, which can be just as effective.
roll role - the part that bread plays in your diet
rap wrap - to finish busting a rhyme
nye nigh - the Science Guy approacheth
mall maul - injury sustained while fighting over the last pair of Air Jordan's at Foot Locker.
lute loot - stuff you hide in your instrument
lieu loo - A bush when there's no other alternative
knot...not! - How Wayne and Garth tie their velcro shoes
idle idol - Billy, in between tours
hoarse horse - nay neigh
dew due - during a drought, you're in this... deep!
climb clime - how's the weather up there?
border boarder - one who lives on the edge
ark arc - a rainbow

January 22, 2012
Mad Kane's Humor Blog Limerick of the Week (45)
Honorable Mention
Entries had to contain the first line: A fellow was trying to hide

A fellow was trying to hide
Some cash that he earned on the side
As a writer of fiction.
His craft caused conviction–
When he filled out his taxes, he lied.

March 17, 2012
Mad Kane's Humor Blog Limerick of the Week (53)
Winner - Facebook Friends' Choice Award
Entries had to contain the first line: A man who was terribly shrill...

A man who was terribly shrill
Tried to sing with vibrato and trill
The glassware all shattered
As bar patrons scattered
And they've banned karaoke there still.

May 13, 2012
Washington Post Style Invitational (Week 967)
Honorable Mention
"Writers Block Party" - Portmanteau Phrases II 
Create a phrase that overlaps two terms, each of two words or more, and describe the result.

writer's block party - inviting all the neighbors over to throw wadded paper into the wastebasket

My other entries that didn't get print (and probably for good reason):

maple bar none - the state of a box of donuts two minutes after I discover it
home plate tectonics - the study of an inconsistent umpire's drifting strike zone
toilet paper roll the dice - the risk you take when you proceed to do number two without first checking the availability and proximity of the TP.
log out of your mind - darn it, I forgot the password to log back in!
cry baby got back - she just saw her rear end in the mirror
pick your nosy neighbor - at least you can choose
live in the present company excepted - current guests are allowed to live in the past
hold your tongue in cheek - it looks silly but it's the only way to avoid saying something you'll regret
case the joint chiefs of staff - throw the country's top military leaders into your luggage
no thanks, I'll pass judgement on - I don't care to try to see it your way, sinner
drinking problem child - offspring which resulted from poor choices after last call
as luck would have it your way - a fateful trip to Burger King
play-by-play hooky - a step by step accounting of your day off
cry over spilled milk it for all it's worth  - to keep at mourning something petty, simply for the attention

May 28, 2012
Mad Kane's Humor Blog Limerick of the Week (63)
Winner - Facebook Friends' Choice Award

Entries had to contain the first line: A fellow who tried to persuade

A fellow who tried to persuade
Me to guess at how much his wife weighed
Didn't mention that she
Was right there behind me.
I got smacked. Guessed too high, I'm afraid.

June 9, 2012
Mad Kane's Humor Blog Limerick of the Week (65)
Winner - Facebook Friends' Choice Award

Entries had to contain the first line: A woman was shooting the breeze

A woman was shooting the breeze,

Speaking French with her man overseas,

Never once disagreeing,

The main reason being:

Her boyfriend speaks only Chinese.

. 

June 16, 2012
Mad Kane's Humor Blog Limerick of the Week (66)
Winner - Limerick of the Week

Entries had to contain the first line: A man who was very astute

A man who is very astute,

Knows that sometimes, it's best to stay mute.

If your girl asks, on chat,

"Do you think that I'm fat?"

Just pretend that you have to reboot.

July 1, 2012
Mad Kane's Humor Blog Limerick of the Week (68)
Honorable Mention

Entries had to contain the first line: A fellow was putting on airs

A fellow was putting on airs

As a master of plumbing repairs

But his ego was crushed

When the toilet was flushed

And the payload still flowed down the stairs.

July 8, 2012
Mad Kane's Humor Blog Limerick of the Week (69)
Honorable Mention

Entries had to contain the first line: A moody young fellow with 'tude

A moody young fellow with 'tude

Once complained that he hated the food

Which was served at his school.

But the lunch lady's rule:

You complain, you'll be one hungry dude.

July 19, 2012
Washington Post Style Invitational (Week 977)
3rd Place
"Twisting the tongues of Google Translate" - Have Google translate some English passage of your choice into another language (there are more than 60 choices now), then have Google translate that result back into English, then guffaw over how wrong the final result was. 

 I ate the entire veggie platter.
(five languages later...) I eat a vegetarian.

July 25, 2012
OEDILF Monthly Contest (July 2012)
3rd Place
Definition of "contrivement " - Each month the Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Format runs a contest challenging limerick writers to write a limerick on one of the words from their Words Lacking Limericks List (WLLL). These are generally tougher words to write on as the easier words are the first to go once a new alphabetic range is opened.

A contrivement's a plan, or design, 
Or invention. So, here's one of mine: 
It's called Beer Drinker's Dream, 
An alarm that will scream 
When the level's too low in your stein.