Man Survives Cougar Attack - Saved By A Bear!

Robert Biggs, who was out for a walk,
Saw some bears so he stopped there to gawk.
A cat pounced from behind!
Mama Bear, being kind,
Smacked the lion, while Biggs watched in shock!

Man lucky to escape with only bruises and scratches...

Lions and hikers and bears, oh my!

Jane Fonda Miscast as Nancy Reagan

Hanoi Jane is low rent, like a stripper.
As a pal, I'd prefer Jack the Ripper.
So my feelings are strong
That I think that it's wrong
That they'd cast her to play Mrs. Gipper.

Although, I guess with movies you have to allow for some suspension of disbelief...

Interviewers Asking Job Seekers For Facebook Passwords

In an interview, we've been required
To reveal if we quit or were fired
From our previous job.
Now they're trying to rob
Us of passwords? Mine's: J@sonUrHir3d.


So if the interviewer would just read that back to me, we'll shake on it...

Bye Bye Tebow, the Broncos Have a New Quarterback

Mister Manning has signed with the Bronc's
The Titans' fan sniffles and honks.
And the 'niners are hatin'
The blow-off by Peyton,
And when called by Seattle, "No thonx."


My apologies to Ogden Nash for blatantly ripping off his word.

Former Colts QB signs with the Denver Broncos

French President Scolds Son For Bad Behavior

Did you hear about little Sarkozy?
He felt life at the palace was prosy.
Bringing shame to his pop,
Threw some fruit at a cop...
I would beat on his buns 'till they're rosy.

Louis Sarkozy scolded for pelting a policewoman with tomatoes.

7-11 Runs Out of Sausages, Sends Customer Into Rage

Ms. Glanville, I offer my thoughts:
If you've partied and drank a few shots
And you're needing to eat,
It would be more discreet
To buy chips if they're all out of brats.


Woman attacks 7-11 clerk for running out of hot dogs...

Trenton N.J. Faces Toilet Paper Shortage

Hello? I am making this call
From the men's room inside City Hall.
I don't know what to do;
I just went number two
And need TP... there's none in the stall. :(


City may shut down some public buildings, including City Hall, if toilet paper issue not resolved soon...

World's Tallest Man Stops Growing

Sultan Kosen, a whopping 8'3",
Was growing as fast as a tree.
So they zapped at his gland
And it worked, just as planned:
He stopped growing (except his goatee).


Doctors at University of Virginia treat the world's tallest man and "stunt" his growth.

...no, he doesn't have a goatee, but "hair" didn't rhyme.

Mr. Panetta, Please Read This: It's the Constitution

He's forgotten who gives him the right
To gather our troops for a fight.
It's NOT the UN's
Call. The Reps and the Sens
Are the ones who give power to smite.


Resolution introduced to impeach Obama should he go to war without Congressional approval...

Invisible Mercedes... Sure You Have One... Uh-huh.

Invisible car? That's so awesome!
And Mercedes to boot. Go withdraw some
Cold cash from your bank:
It's expensive and swank.
You could say they don't work if you saw some.

Mercedes showcases "invisible" car with the help of flexible LED mats and a camera.

UN Condemns Israel For Treatment of Palestinian Women

Condemnation came from the UN
Saying Israel's at fault once again.
If Palestine's ladies
Live lifestyles from Hades,
I'd blame it on Palestine's men.


No condemnation for Syria, Libya, or Iran?

USA Chant Deemed Racist?

Can't believe what I'm reading today:
It's racist to chant USA?
Kids in glad jubilation
Shout the name of our nation
Then are branded as bigots? NO WAY!!


You think I'm kidding? This actually happened...
Last time I checked, USA was the name of a country, not a race.

King of the Jungle Urinates on Patriots Wet Receiver

Ochocinco, your life is a dream;
You play football on Tom Brady's team.
But today you're disgraced
By a shot that's well placed
By a lion. You stood in his stream.


Chad Ochocinco gets doused by lion pee...